THIS IS RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS » salmon

MR. DALLIARD, I’VE STARTED TO TALK DRIVEL NOW

salmon — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 23:02:42 +0000

I did not sleep nor even get near the bed last night and so I am obviously up to all sorts of CRAAAAAAAAAAAAZY SHENANIGANS. I could show you what I mean if I had a goat, six bananas and a local TV weatherman, but that would only scratch the surface of what I’m getting at.

In other words OH GOD I AM FREAKING TIRED and it’s not even four o’clock, so I’m drinking lots of coffee and wondering why we say stuff like ‘I got hit in the face’ when we obviously mean ‘I got hit ON the face’, and other such mysterious things. Like why is Sailor Moon the leader of the Sailor scouts? The moon’s not even a planet. Shouldn’t there be a Sailor Sun? Do all the moons in the solar system get Sailors? Does Sailor Pluto count anymore since Pluto is OMG no longer a planet according to some people who thought it would be cool to randomly make that decision? Why do I have all these questions when I only ever saw the damned program like one time, and this when I was an infinitely smaller version of me? What would tiny!me think of grown!me? Could grown!me entertain tiny!me by dangling keys in her face? Would that scare the shit out of tiny!me? Is it just me or are kids getting tinier and tinier lately? Haven’t they all got cell phones now or something? Or is there some other newfangled contraption they’re into these days? How am I supposed to know what the hell the kids are into these days, other than getting on my lawn? WHY ARE THE BASTARDS ALWAYS ON MY LAWN?

Oh dear God, do you people realize that this post was originally intended for the ‘What are you doing right now’ thread in the forums? I moved it here at the last moment because I am zany like that, and that is why bitches flock to me in fawning hordes and I have to beat them off with umbrellas or some such thing.

I’ve written a SAVAGE, ANGRY SONG

salmon — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:35:17 +0000

About jars that get separated from their lids.

WHERE IS THE LID

WHERE IS THE WHERE IS THE WHERE IS THE LID

DOES ANYONE KNOW

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE IS THE LID

WHERE IS THE LID

WHERE IS THE WHERE IS THE WHERE IS THE WHERE IS THE LID

(A Bit of Fry and Laurie omg)

OKAY

salmon — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 23:08:34 +0000

Right

So I’m told there’s some flick called Happy Feet and there are heart songs or something and Nicole Kidman lays an egg with Hugh Jackman and they make a kind of freak penguin thing that dances

I haven’t seen it because that makes no sense

But I got around to thinking and came to the conclusion that Jack Shepard’s heart song is “Dancing Queen” by ABBA. Kate’s would be “It’s Raining Men”

Amirite? Amirite? Iamrite.

YOUR THOUGHTS, PEOPLE

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT GAWD

I just broke out in a cold sweat of WONDERFUL

salmon — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:14:56 +0000

OOOHHHHHHHH GODDDDD ASKLFLHGGHHAAK;KDJH

WE ARE HAS HEDVILLE

I have a single tear of joy sliding ever so slowly down my face.

A LIST OF QUESTIONS.

1. Where is the funk

2. Gimme the funk

4. I skipped number 3

5. How does that make you feel

Also yes, you can pretty much expect all of my future blog entries to be in this category of useless WTFery. I feel no shame in this.